just bein random for malaysian southern hardcore band Prognosis:Death!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
perhentian
sorry i havent been updating, went to perhentian for the 3rd time in a month, doin some random design stuff now, and will be posting it up soon! owh and also the perhentian trip pictures will be up soon aswell, as soon as i get the raws frm eri.
cheerio!
cheerio!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
you and him, that's a good enough closure
not sure if its wrong for me to post this, but i still feel like i should. its not like anyone actually reads my blog,
dont know why, but lately a few people asked me what really happen between me and her. n usually its always that tone of voice as if im at fault and i never really gave them a straight answer, only a few people really know why i did this.
i admit im an asshole and im not tryin to justify what i did by writing this. and please DO NOT think that im pointin fingers or blaming anyone, im really not. just thought i should let it out.
these are mainly the major reasons why i felt that i should have let go.
it basicly started on the uk trip we had.
not sure what the proper actions a girl should take when a guy ask u "are you gonna marry him?". i was really glad that she didnt answer but still i asked her what would she have answered. she replied "i dont know, he looked sad, i didnt wanna hurt him", all i could think of that time was "you didnt think twice about saying that to your boyfriend" that was alot to me. and on the trip, i'd really tried just put it aside like i always have and just enjoy the trip. but every now n then, she would just say things like "i wish he was here, i miss him, i hope hes doin okay." every little wrong thing i did, she would yell or raise her voice, she even banged me in the head, cause i didnt wanna talk about it, n she didnt even take a time to think what shes doing is hurtin me.
well that was basicaly the trip, when we got bck, i still had some doubts in my mind and decided to look at some of the folders that was in my comp that she made me promise earlier on not to look at, funny enough i wasnt really surprised with what was inside, there were some really intimate picture of them on it. again i thought "instead of thinkin to delete these pictures, that would OBVIOUSLY hurt me, all you did was made me promise not to open it"
i wanted space, so i decided not to talk to her, during that first week. i was really hoping she would actually think of what she did, and meant every apology she did. when i ask her "what are you apologizing for?" the only thing she could answer was "for anythin i did wrong", she would usually ask what she did wrong, n i always choose not to answer. within a few days a friend asked if me and her got back together, i'd just say no. i already know the answer to the question i was about to ask, but i thought i'd asked anyway. they just said that she posted something online saying "cant wait to meet yang" again through out these two years we're together i've had my time of telling people that "is not me, its someone else", "they're not back together, they're just really2 close friends". they usually ask if im okay with it, i always thought what choice do i have.
alot of people wanted me to talk it out, but honestly it never really worked,i've never won a fight when he is at topic. its just the way things are, her answer would usually just be "but its "him". or she'd just make a promise to stop only to do it again in barely a few hours.i honestly didnt want to go thru that again,i really did try and give everything i could for her, i always keep my feelings in, just so that we wont have any fights. and i really did love her. but the marriage question was really just a sign that we were'nt meant to be, it made me really think that my feelings dont really matter, only his. i think we would have been just fine and that we would have been somewhere now if only she would think of her actions that would have affected me.
it was pretty obvious that what i did was necessary, well atleast to me, even at the cost of being an asshole.
and i dont mind if anyone out there, thinks im an asshole, or a douchbag, you guys have every right to think of me like that.
for me maybe for all that time she was worried for him and all the times she had him in her mind, they were just meant to be and maybe i was the one that was in their way.
as for where we are now, she and him, that's a good enough closure for me.
Armor For Sleep - My Saving Grace
dont know why, but lately a few people asked me what really happen between me and her. n usually its always that tone of voice as if im at fault and i never really gave them a straight answer, only a few people really know why i did this.
i admit im an asshole and im not tryin to justify what i did by writing this. and please DO NOT think that im pointin fingers or blaming anyone, im really not. just thought i should let it out.
these are mainly the major reasons why i felt that i should have let go.
it basicly started on the uk trip we had.
not sure what the proper actions a girl should take when a guy ask u "are you gonna marry him?". i was really glad that she didnt answer but still i asked her what would she have answered. she replied "i dont know, he looked sad, i didnt wanna hurt him", all i could think of that time was "you didnt think twice about saying that to your boyfriend" that was alot to me. and on the trip, i'd really tried just put it aside like i always have and just enjoy the trip. but every now n then, she would just say things like "i wish he was here, i miss him, i hope hes doin okay." every little wrong thing i did, she would yell or raise her voice, she even banged me in the head, cause i didnt wanna talk about it, n she didnt even take a time to think what shes doing is hurtin me.
well that was basicaly the trip, when we got bck, i still had some doubts in my mind and decided to look at some of the folders that was in my comp that she made me promise earlier on not to look at, funny enough i wasnt really surprised with what was inside, there were some really intimate picture of them on it. again i thought "instead of thinkin to delete these pictures, that would OBVIOUSLY hurt me, all you did was made me promise not to open it"
i wanted space, so i decided not to talk to her, during that first week. i was really hoping she would actually think of what she did, and meant every apology she did. when i ask her "what are you apologizing for?" the only thing she could answer was "for anythin i did wrong", she would usually ask what she did wrong, n i always choose not to answer. within a few days a friend asked if me and her got back together, i'd just say no. i already know the answer to the question i was about to ask, but i thought i'd asked anyway. they just said that she posted something online saying "cant wait to meet yang" again through out these two years we're together i've had my time of telling people that "is not me, its someone else", "they're not back together, they're just really2 close friends". they usually ask if im okay with it, i always thought what choice do i have.
alot of people wanted me to talk it out, but honestly it never really worked,i've never won a fight when he is at topic. its just the way things are, her answer would usually just be "but its "him". or she'd just make a promise to stop only to do it again in barely a few hours.i honestly didnt want to go thru that again,i really did try and give everything i could for her, i always keep my feelings in, just so that we wont have any fights. and i really did love her. but the marriage question was really just a sign that we were'nt meant to be, it made me really think that my feelings dont really matter, only his. i think we would have been just fine and that we would have been somewhere now if only she would think of her actions that would have affected me.
it was pretty obvious that what i did was necessary, well atleast to me, even at the cost of being an asshole.
and i dont mind if anyone out there, thinks im an asshole, or a douchbag, you guys have every right to think of me like that.
for me maybe for all that time she was worried for him and all the times she had him in her mind, they were just meant to be and maybe i was the one that was in their way.
as for where we are now, she and him, that's a good enough closure for me.
Armor For Sleep - My Saving Grace
Monday, June 27, 2011
cam whor-ing
its really weird for me to say this but i actually really-really feel like cam whoring. hehe, have some photo ideas, and manipulating and adding stuffs on it later on. but the down part is, i dont have a camera, and im living alone so cant really do shit. *sigh*
on the "no camera" note, since i dont have a camera, i havent been able to take pictures of some of my hands-on stuff and some paintings, so when i do get a camera, i'll try and post the arts.
on the "no camera" note, since i dont have a camera, i havent been able to take pictures of some of my hands-on stuff and some paintings, so when i do get a camera, i'll try and post the arts.
new updates on new designs.
im still thinkin on how to expand the ideas on the owl, might work with some textures, i think i'm just gonna take my sweet time on that one.
as for the girl, i like how its turnin up so far, its very comic-ish lookin, there will be a zombie on this one =D, got the idea from the phantom planet video. cause thinkin back have'nt drawn any zombies in a while. and im actually getting better at drawing lines on the tablet now, so gonna try and see if i can draw better zombies. might just try more of this type of drawin on future designs.
ooo and this 2 were done entirely on the comp with no sketches or anythin. just tried and wing it. =)
Sunday, June 26, 2011
finisto!
design for one of my favorite band architects UK. Four color print on white. Gonna try pitch it to them, hope they approve it =D
Saturday, June 25, 2011
excited!
here's a preview of somethin that im workin on... weee bit exited about how its turnin up so far =)
fresh new start
met the ex a few nights ago to drop off some of the stuff she left. had a good 15 min chat. she finally got together with the guy thats been on her mind for so long. after all those countless conversation on how she feels sorry for how the dude's gf is treatin' him, im actually quite glad that they got together. seeing as how at that time i was going thru the same shit as he was, the only difference is he had her, and i had to ponder the night. i guess it was all worth it for what i had to go thru, the doubts are clear, my worries all gone( call me paranoid, but i've "seen" and heard to much of "them"), and now i wish all the best for them.
nuff o' that
i deleted all the things i had on the blog (not that i had much on it to begin with)=), don't know what i'll make of it after this, but this time i'll definitely be postin more =).
i had this song in my head, while i was writing this crap o intro.
sherwood - please wait up for me
nuff o' that
i deleted all the things i had on the blog (not that i had much on it to begin with)=), don't know what i'll make of it after this, but this time i'll definitely be postin more =).
i had this song in my head, while i was writing this crap o intro.
sherwood - please wait up for me
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